This story is based off of a Halloween prank that my daughter had planned. Everything was staged of course. Even the murder of her friend was elaborately constructed. My girl has a mean streak… most of her friends are deathly afraid of clowns with all the news of creepy and violent clowns terrorizing people. One of her friends did actually start having a panic attack and we had to call the prank early due to it. No one was hurt but it was great fun!

The Legend of Funnybone

Throughout the years there have been rumors of suspicious people dressed as clowns scaring people all over the nation. Some have gone so far as to chase people and vehicles. Others have killed. In Mills County, Texas there was such a clown. Though he was not violent; he was a happy and dancing clown. His name was Funnybone. He traveled amongst the various ranches spreading good cheer and laughter everywhere he went.
One night close to Halloween, Funnybone was walking along CR 315 when a car pulled up and the driver and passenger accused Funnybone of scaring people to no good end. Funnybone cried out and implored the two teen boys that he was no such clown. In fact he was headed to a birthday party at that very moment. The boys did not believe him. Angered at his protestations one of the boys hit him in the face knocking the clown to the dirt road. His bright red and yellow suit now covered in dirt he began begging the boys to leave him alone. The more the clown begged the angrier the boys got and began kicking Funnybone. They broke ribs and an arm with vicious attacks.
They dragged Funnybone under a culvert near the railroad tracks covering him in grime. There they commenced once again to beating the clown and calling him names and swearing at him. Funnybone was left bleeding and broken. He tentatively crawled out from under the culvert after the boys left and started his climb up to the road. So disoriented was the clown that he went in the wrong direction and instead climbed onto the railroad tracks. There he passed out. A few minutes later a train came barreling down the tracks. They did not see Funnybone…
Legend says that you can see Funnybone every Halloween walking CR 315 looking for the boys who left him to die.

Some years later…

A 14 year old ranch girl named Erika was having a Halloween party and invited all of her friends. The whole evening was planned out. Her dad made treats and cooked a lavish meal for them all. She invited five of her friends and with her sister, Rin,  seven girls in all attended. The evening was going well. They told ghost stories and talked of boys most of the night. Then around 1 a.m. they heard a strange noise. They ignored this mostly for there are many night noises on a ranch. Then it came again… it sounded like a scratching noise at the window. They were silent for a few minutes and they heard nothing. They dared one girl, Piper, to go outside while they watched. Being the bravest of the girls she got up and shot for the door. She stood defiantly against the moonless night looking into the gloom. The other six watched nervously from the window giggling.
Then from behind Piper a figure appeared. He was dressed in red and yellow which was stained almost black from mud and grime. He went up behind Piper and grabbed her and as she shrieked he cut her throat open with a large Kukri blade. The poor child crumpled to the Texas earth dead. The other girls screamed and the figure turned and looked at them. From beneath a clown visage cold dead eyes bore holes into their hearts. The girls bolted for the doors knowing that they were unlocked. By the time they reached the living room it was too late; Funnybone was there waiting. One girl attempted to call 911 but the phone was dead!
As she set the phone down she looked over and saw the clown has he slowly limped toward her. She and Rin headed for the kitchen door screaming for the others to run. One of the remaining five girls was paralyzed with fright as Funnybone began to give chase. He raised his Kukri as he passed and cut the girl down. As Erika and the other five ran outside they collectively screamed in horror at what they saw. Perched up on the steps was Piper, blood draining from her throat in some sick homage to showmanship.
Erika and the others raced past at a sprint but Rin was to slow. She shrieked in terror as Funnybone wrapped her arms around her shoulders…
Erika and the others somehow managed to escape but of Funnybone there was no sign.

– Auguratrix


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